ArticlesKids / Family

I Scream, You Scream

Wouldn’t you know it! I got pulled over this morning going 8 mph over the speed limit. It was my fault. I allowed myself to get distracted by my brat 5-year-old daughter in the back seat. I was telling her for the MILLIONTH TIME, she was NOT getting an ice cream cone until she learned the fine art of telling the truth.

As the officer approached my SUV, I rolled down the windows. At that exact moment, my daughter began screaming from the backseat, “It’s coming out! I can’t hold it any longer!! It’s almost here!!!”

Obviously, the trooper hears her screams and was curious. He leaned into the open window, surveys the scene, and asks, “What is going on? Do we need an ambulance?”

She stops screaming, looks at him with tears in her eyes, and cries “I’ve got to POOP!!!”

I guess he has kids, because he looked at me with nothing but sympathy and started laughing. I was horrified and freaking out. What was he going to do?!

Officer Awesome asked how far I had to go, which was about 3.5 miles to the hotel we were staying at. He told me to drive safely but hurry along to let “Miss Thang” do her business. He walked back to his vehicle STILL laughing!

As soon as we pulled away I gathered my wits about me and screamed, “What was THAT all about? You don’t have to go to the bathroom! You went at Aunt Jenny’s house before we left!”

She smiled like a Cheshire cat. “I saw it on a cartoon!”

Flabbergast, I asked, “So, you lied, AGAIN! You’re NOT pooping?”

“Nope!”, she said, “And you didn’t get a ticket for speeding!”

When raising kids, “pick your battles”, my mom always taught me. I paused, grabbed my phone and asked, “SIRI, where the nearest Ice Cream stand?”

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