Trump: I’ll Make CNN Great Again!

CNN: Conservative News Network

It is no secret CNN has been tanking for years. Trade papers have reported AT&T is selling the ailing news network to pay off a massive debt, however, industry insiders believe finding a buyer will be difficult.

“The network has soiled itself,” says Mx. Olivia Boner, editor of Transworld News Weekly. “They’ve pooped the coup. They’ve pee’d the pool. No one will touch them, now. They aren’t news anymore. Nobody takes them seriously. Nobody! They are poison.”

AT&T bought the news juggernaut in 2019 to round-out its impressive Time Waner portfolio. At the time, AT&T was at the top of it’s sport and they were winning every game.

While FOX News wooed the Bible-Belt, conservative viewers, CNN played it safe, stayed on track, and reported the news. Sure, they had a few opinion ‘journalists’ like failed sports-announcer Keith Olberman, who was allowed off his chain every night to howl at the moon. It was fun and edgy but balanced. CNN had reached it’s awkward, rebellious teen years.

But soon FOX was humiliating them night after night in the ratings and CNN stopped focusing on the news to become a network of angry ranters. They ranted against conservative groups like the Tea Party and Republicans (except John McCain), but that wasn’t enough. So they began crying about FOX News — but that only made them look like a jilted lover.

Then came Donald Trump.

On that fateful day when he descended the escalator at Trump Tower to announce he was running for President, he instantly became the best and worst thing that could have happened to CNN. Sunday through Saturday, morning to night, every single show was obsessed with hating all things Trump!

If Trump saved a child from a burning building, they complained about pollution and overpopulation. If he cured cancer, they whined he was putting medical personnel out of work. Everything he did was bad, bad, bad, and every time they covered it, it meant money, money, money.

Until it didn’t. And then it was too late.

Lon Cohen was an executive at CNN. Today, he writes for the New York Gazette, “CNN is a parody of itself. The network used to be something before they latched on to hating Trump 24/7. That was their bread and butter — and it’s demise. It was like watching a diabetic cop eat box after box after box of powdered donuts. Sure, they taste great, but it’s a recipe for death. And make no mistake, CNN is dead.”

Then came Donald Trump …again.

With the fate of his next four years in the balance due to widespread Democrat election fraud, Donald Trump is leveraging his options and has been making offers to buy the ailing network from AT&T.

When asked about it Trump boasted, “If I were to buy CNN, it would be a great irony. They go on the air and talk about me, nonstop. It’s so negative. It’s more negative press than any other president has ever had to deal it. It’s unbelievable. But, get this. I’ll make it great again, and my own network won’t even have to mention my name as much as they do now!”

AT&T won’t confirm talking to Donald Trump, but one inside source says the ‘great negotiator’ is treating this as if it’s a fire sale.

And don’t be surprised if he keeps the initials but changes the name to the “Conservative News Network.”

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