Xi Jinping Hospitalized For COVID-19 and Dog Bites

Major and Champ have left the White House

Chinese Communist Party Chairman, Xi Jinping, was rushed to the People’s Medical Center in Beijing early this week. It is rumored he contracted the deadly new American-strain of COVID-19 — as well as a few dog bites after a recent visit to the nation’s capital.

The incident was a carefully guarded state-secret until it was leaked by normally tight-lipped President Joe Biden during a leaked speech rehearsal.

Sources tell us the White House sets up cameras to let Joe regularly “speak to the nation”. No real cameras, no live feed. The teleprompter and lights are on, but… “nobody’s home” if you know what we mean. There will NEVER be a Joe Biden Press Conference or State-of-the-Union. You heard it here, first.

Our White House source leaked part of Joe Biden’s “speech”:

“America is dying from COVID-19 and, uh… we are loose, ah… losing 6 million every minute, because… COV— …you know the thing …is really deadly. Just ask Xi Jinping in China! He got it and no one knows if he will survive. I think they should call it the Trump virus! Motherfu—[mic cutoff].”

Jen Psaki, the White House Press Secretary told us, “Obviously, we have no plans to not let President Biden speak publically, but we also have no plans to let him speak publically. It’s up to Jill, um, I mean Joe. I cannot confirm the details of an alleged leaked speech. I’ll have to circle back on that. Next question!”

As of yet, the CCP has not officially admitted or denied the story. However, an insider who suddenly disappeared after talking to us said, “Jinping got COVID-19 from Joe Biden’s dogs! Jinping bent down to pet them, they growled at him and bit his hand! His dogs are racist!”

You will recall a similar incident where President Joe Biden reportedly trip and broke his foot after he pulled his dog’s tail coming out of the shower. His dogs seem to not like heads of state.

Our White House source confirms the incident without admitting either Major or Champ gave Jinping the virus. “Joe Biden didn’t even seem to care or frankly notice when it happened. He was standing behind his desk conversing with the painting of Benjamin Franklin. White House staff immediately assured the Chinese government the dogs would be escorted out of the White House and put down. However, the damage is done! If Jinping dies, this situation could start World War III.”

FACT-CHECKER: It is unclear how or if COVID-19 can be transmitted by canine. However, it is remotely possible for Joe Biden’s dogs to have picked up the virus after licking (or biting) White House visitors or staff.

It is more likely Xi Jinping simply ate a bad Wuhan Bat and is blaming America to get back at former President Trump for blaming the virus on China. Also, it has been confirmed that President Joe Biden’s dogs have been removed from the White House. PETA is holding an execution watch on their behalf.

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